


Hypervigilance

by jperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, F/M, Gentle Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Jake Peralta Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Prescription Drug Use, Sad and Sweet, Sensory Overload, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jperalta/pseuds/jperalta
Summary: Sensory overload at work triggers a panic attack in Jake. Good thing Amy is there, like always.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 3
Kudos: 88





	Hypervigilance

Jake was at work, and everyone was messing around. People were singing some song from the radio that Jake wasn’t familiar with, so he stayed sitting at his desk and began clenching and unclenching his hands. Then his chest started to hurt, and he was scared to see that when he looked down, his fingers were shaking. That’s when the fear really started to set in. Sometimes just the fear that he was going to freak out would be enough to make him freak out in the first place. And if he could just calm down, could just tell his broken brain that there’s nothing wrong, it’s just a little noise, then maybe he could go through the last hour of his shift without puking. But then all the sounds started to become far too overwhelming. Not just the singing, but it was like he suddenly could hear every sound in the world. The cars honked in the streets. Someone printed something and the sound of the printer starting up made Jake flinch. It was all too much. There was too much going on. There was always  _ so much _ going on.

His eyes darted all over the office, as if there would suddenly be something that would make it all go away. But of course there wasn’t. No magic button, no switch to make everything silent and still. His desk drawer was open and when he looked down he saw his bottle of Xanax looking back up at him. Jake didn’t want to make a scene, he didn’t want to run out of the room as if he was a kid being teased. And nobody was teasing him. Nobody was even talking to him - there was just too much, and he needed out. Now. So after debating with himself for a few seconds, he grabbed the bottle and ran out into the hallway, hoping,  _ praying _ , that no one noticed him.

When he got out into the hallway, it was a bit better, but he could still hear all the voices pounding in his forehead. Almost like he never left. Fuck. Jake winced and squeezed his eyes shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up,” he half-whispered, not entirely sure if it was meant for everyone else or just for his own brain. Either way there was still too much noise, and he didn’t want to yell at his friends for unintentionally triggering something within him. It wasn’t their fault. 

He tried to take in a deep breath, and could hear how shaky it sounded. He winced again, tears starting to form on his eyelids now. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay,” he said, trying to reassure himself. But it didn’t feel like it was working, and the hallway around him started to turn into a sort of fog. He lost his footing and slid down the wall until he was crouching on the ground, then his legs completely gave out and he fell fully onto his ass. The jolt of movement made his anxiety worsen, and he started gasping for breath. Then he remembered the Xanax. “Stupid,” Jake muttered, before picking the bottle up off the ground. But when he tried to open it, he found that his hands were shaking too hard to grasp anything. “No, no, come  _ on _ ,” he said each word with increasing desperation. The idea that his relief was so close yet he couldn’t get to it because he was shaking too fucking much - it all made everything worse. “You’re fucking stupid, just fucking do it, you asshole” But after trying for another few seconds, he still couldn’t still himself enough to open the bottle. And that’s when he started to sob. “Fuck,  _ fuck _ ,” he hissed at himself, deciding to give up on the bottle and just give in to the whole horrible thing.

But then he sensed someone in front of him, even though his vision was blurred. “Hey honey, it’s okay,” a voice began. Amy - it was Amy. She took the bottle out of his trembling hands and he wished he could just give his entire life over to her. “Open,” she said, and he obliged. She put the pill in Jake’s mouth and held a bottle of water to his lips. After the pill was in him, he felt her hand on his cheek, and the tenderness made him cry more. She was crouched right in front of him. His hand had been holding his heart and Amy put her hand on top of his own, clutching his fingers in hers. “Breathe for me, Jake, my dear, my darling, my best friend in the whole world. Breathe, you’re going to be okay.” With Amy holding his hand and his cheek, he did the best he could to get his breathing back to normal, but it felt too hard. There were moments when he thought he had it under control, but then it was though his heart would skip a beat and his breathing would speed right back up again.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he choked out.

Amy squeezed his hand in hers. “Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

He nodded, trying to remember that but everything was still spinning around him.

“I love you, Jake,” Amy said, placing the smallest and sweetest kiss in the middle of his forehead. “I know you’re going to be okay.” She spoke in the most soothing voice possible, and Jake had the thought that if Amy couldn’t calm him down, no one or nothing ever could. And of course this thought was scary and made him cry more. Then there was a hand on each side of his face, thumbs pressing away his tears, and Jake squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to just focus on the feeling of her skin on his own. In his head he counted the gentle brushes she made just under his eyelids, and the number of kisses she put on his forehead. Eventually he lost count, but it was enough to get him through it. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , he managed to slow his breathing down, and he let himself open his eyes. And there was Amy, still crouched in front of him, giving him the most gentle of smiles he’d ever seen before. “You’re okay,” she said softly, placing her body next to his. “You made it.” 

Jake took in a deep breath, felt the oxygen finally filling his lungs, then let out a sigh. “I made it.” He looked over at Amy, wanted to thank her a thousand times but knew that still wouldn’t feel like enough. Instead he dropped his head onto her shoulder, and she scratched at the hair on his head as she leaned her own head onto his.


End file.
